A Faith Story

September 17, 2013 at 3:16 pm (Spirituality)
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The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing. Zephaniah 3:17

This is an email I received from my Dad… I thought I’d share it.

2 DAY AT MC DONALDS PORT CHARLOTTE  FL === MOM & I WERE EATING R BIG MAC’S === I SAW A STREET MAN WALK IN CARRYING AN EMPTY COFFEE CUP IN === HE GOT IT REFILLED & SAT DOWN === WHEN WE WERE LEAVING I BOUGHT 2 SANDWICHES & FRIES === I PLACED THEM ON HIS TABLE & SAID I LOVE U BROTHER & WALKED AWAY === HE CAME AFTER ME & SAID I DID NOT HAVE 2 DO THAT & HE WAS IN SLOW TIMES === I TOLD HIM I WON LOTTERY & HAD EXTRA MONEY === HE SAID HE LOST FAITH IN MANKIND & THIS GIVING BROUGHT BACK HIS FAITH === WE TALKED , HE SAID HIS STREET NAME IS GHOST ( HE IS QUIET & NOT SEEN ) & I TOLD HIM MINE IS SOCK MAN === WITH A HUG WE UNDERSTOOD R ACTIONS === I LEFT SO CHOKED UP I COULD NOT SPEAK ( THAT IS HARD 4 ME ) === MOM SAID 4 $3 A MAN’S FAITH WAS RESTORED === I THINK IT WAS MORE THAN THAT === WHAT DO U THINK ?????????????????????????  === TELL ME OR OTHERS YOUR STORY OF FAITH === I WOULD LIKE 2 HEAR IT=== S.M. [sockman]

Is it really that easy to restore a man’s faith? Can 3 dollars at McD’s do that? Do we have a street name? A secret word that defines us? There can be brutal honesty in the monikers we chose. And whose faith was effected the most? I believe it may have been my father’s. And was this more than a faith story. I believe so.

faithThe spiritual faith we have is supposed to be through God. All things are possible through the Lord. But part of our faith is the obedience that goes with it. And part of that obedience is detailed in Matthew 28:18- 20. “And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them inthe name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” Did you notice the words say “make disciples.” The words don’t say “Tell people about me.”

Part of discipleship is living the way Christ wants us to. This is how we spread Christ’s message. My father was sharing love with “Ghost.” God is all about love. And that is how we should witness, by showing our love. Ghost needed love. He lives in a world that doesn’t care about him anymore. But my dad did. And Jesus does. The message of God’s love is a message of hope. Restoration knowing you’re one of God’s kids, an heir to his throne. That was what my father was sharing, and it is so much more than simple faith.

faith 2My faith story? I think it is still being written. It has taken place in some dark places. Hundreds of people showing up at our son Michael’s funeral. Their presence was a connector to God that kept me going. Jail was another dark time. I felt no purpose for my life, just wanting to die. There was a fellow inmate named Clarence. I remember the ever-present smile on Clarence’s face. He shared with me why he had that smile- GOD. Harry Watson, a Chaplain at Summit County, also had that same smile and an angelic presence that let me know God cared. He is the main reason I serve as a Chaplain at the same jail today. During all these times a small group of friends and my family remained ever-faithful to me. They are the people I am close to today.

faith 3Now it is time to write someone else’s faith story. I spend my time Jail talking to guys society doesn’t want anymore. Their own families often abandon them. They find their friends were pretenders never to return- until they need something. When I talk to them I always let them know I love them, and so does Jesus. It is sad that they may not hear that form anyone else. The homeless man on the street has been exiled by society as well. A smile accompanied with “Jesus and I love you” may restore faith. A sandwich may be the only gift they receive from anyone. To sit and have a conversation is restorative love. And that is why I think my father’s encounter went far beyond faith. He moved Ghost to hope- something I hope you are never without. I’ve been in the darkness of hopelessness. Thank God for those who lift us out despair.

God Bless,

Mark

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God, Hope, Heart and Restoration

August 5, 2013 at 7:01 pm (Spirituality)
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For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfareand not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, declares the Lord, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile. Jeremiah 29:11-14

hope2King Nebuchadnezzar had destroyed Jerusalem, killing many and taking many to his kingdom of Babylon. God directed this to happen because the Jews would no longer listen to him. Their lives had become full of sin. Worshipping other Gods and living lives filled with disregard to sin became the norm. God would take no more. But in the Jews darkest moments God already had a plan for restoration.

Jeremiah 29:11-14 is a passage that many of the men in jail relate to. They are in dark places. They need the hope of restoration. But there is more to Jeremiah 29 than restoration.

The battle is first with ourselves. We embrace life that is outside God. Anger, depression, drugs, alcohol and sexual sin reign in our hearts. We cannot stop. We are weak. God has to find a way to put up a stop sign in our lives. For some, that means incarceration. For others it may mean loss of a home, job or spouse. For the Jews it was loss of their whole world.

God has us in this circumstances to help us. He uses the words future and hope. We often can’t see that as the battle is being waged. We are angry, bitter, thinking the stop signs in our lives are unjust. We forget that we often cause our own circumstances. But God’s purpose is clear: “plans for welfare, not for evil…”

As for the loneliness that is happening in these times, there is also a promise, “I will hear you.” We don’t need to feel alone. God is listen. He hears every one of our words. That is important. We don’t need to feel abandoned. God is using our words, his plan, for our good.

hope3Then it’s our turn. We have to come to God. He is there, but we have to want his help. We need to seek him with all our heart. Whether we sit in a cell in jail, or our own private cell in our own home we won’t leave until we ask for God’s help. That means doing things that are uncomfortable. We need to be willing to go to AA, NA, or counseling. We need to go to church when we can’t even imagine getting out of bed. We need to do our part to advance the plan.

The glory and grace of the Lord takes over. Eventually we look back and don’t know how we got there. 5+ years ago I was in a place with no future. My goal then was simple: to have a roof over my head, food to eat and clothes to wear. I begged to God to rescue me. I was never as empty as when I was making these pleas.

hope4God wanted more for me. Ever so slowly God lifted me up. We can want to change instantly, but learning takes time. Now I am working in ministry, doing things beyond my wildest dreams. I feel a peace I never knew could exist. God has taken care of me. God will take care of all of us. But will we do our part? That’s the question today. Jeremiah give us the path, the hope that we need. Trust God, open our heart, and take a ride to God’s destination. Amen.

God Bless,

Mark

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Stressed Out

June 21, 2013 at 7:09 pm (docmark's philosophy, Spirituality)
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What are you stressed about?

What are you stressed about?

I hadn’t thought about the subject of stress in a while. But in my family doc days it was an everyday word. Patients were stressed about everything. Finances, marital difficulties, jobs and kids were top on the lists they would present to me. I was stressed too! My stresses included listening to people who were stressed all day long, having a schedule where even seconds were important to manage, dealing with catastrophic events in people’s lives, and then going home to the stress of my family’s life.

I am not complaining about my stresses. Being a family doc was an incredible part of my journey that was usually awesome. But I will tell you that my stress has almost completely gone away. Or has it? Lately I have gotten up in the middle of the night with horrible dreams and am having difficulty going back to sleep. My conclusion: I must be getting stressed out again. Pretty profound, huh?

I needed to remind myself of some simple things I knew about stress. Remembering these things as well as recognizing when stress is happening in your life are important keys to getting rid of it.

Stress manifests itself physically. Upset stomachs, headaches, insomnia, chest pain, changes in appetite, nightmares, weight loss/gain, tremors, as well as just about any physical symptoms, can be caused by stress. If we have new symptoms they should have an explanation. If unsure go see a doctor.

Kids get stressed out too. They operate using technology and communications that never used to be available. There symptoms are unique for teens. They may manifest their stress through anger or isolation. Physical symptoms are almost always present. The concept of stress is also foreign to many children and teens. But trust me- it happens a lot.

You can be stressed by good things as well. I can never sleep the night before a trip. Tax refund? I’ll be up at night thinking about what to do with the money (curses to you IRS, how dare you give me back some of my own money). If I won the lottery I’d be a nervous wreck. In case you are wondering my current stress is a result of good things in my life (But no, I haven’t won the lottery).

There are days when I want to do this to Mr. Smiley Face!!!

There are days when I want to do this to Mr. Smiley Face!!!

The consequences of stress can be devastating. Relationships can get damaged or destroyed. People can become shut-ins, afraid to leave their homes (agoraphobia). Physically a person can suffer anything from a heart attack to going bald. Panic attacks leave a person so overloaded with adrenaline that between chest pains, sweating, tremors and shortness of breath the person wishes they were dead. Insomnia can make the rest of the day miserable. The economic impact of stress on a family can be crippling. The economic impact on society is measured in billions of dollars. Stress is a big deal.

The good news is stress doesn’t have to win. First, win God on our side we can conquer anything. Second, stress is very well studied. Simple stress reduction techniques can have dramatic effects. Third, we have a lot of power over the things that cause us stress- we just have to make the changes. And once again, God is ready to help us with those changes.

Over the next couple of Blogs I will discuss solutions to stress. In the mean time I’d love to hear some advice from reader’s on the topic. Just send your comments.

God Bless,

Mark

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Words from the Cross: Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?

March 27, 2013 at 10:25 pm (Spirituality)
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“And at the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, ‘Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?‘ which is translated, ’My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?’ “(Mark 15:34)

WARNING: THIS BLOG CONTAINS A PICTURE THAT IS VERY HARD TO LOOK AT.

I broke my left big toe this morning. Would you believe I slipped going down carpeted sets in my own home?  I split my toe bone into two pieces. It hurts worse than the cervical fusion I had done on my neck. I know it’s not a hug deal, but in fifty years I have endured a lot of things that should have hurt badly. None of them ever got to me- my toe is.

My Toe!!!

My Toe!!!

I limped into Bible study at the jail today. The subject was the crucifixion of Jesus. He was sleep deprived, flogged, beaten, wore a crown of thorns. Then he had spikes driven into his hands and feet as he was crucified. To take a breath Jesus had to push up with his spiked feet to get air in.  All of a sudden I felt embarassed, my toe wasn’t an issue anymore.

There are times when we reach our limits. Even Jesus did on the cross. As he was dying on the cross he spoke:” ‘Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?‘ which is translated, ’My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?’ “(Mark 15:34). Words that bring tears to my eyes when I think about Christ’s sacrifice. We need to remember Jesus went to the cross as a man…feeling pain just as we do.

On the cross Christ felt abandon.  Even God wasn’t speaking to Jesus.  We all feel this way at times. Jail is certainly one of those places.  Divorce, death of family members, financial problems and other choices can make us feel abandon as well. Jesus shows us that in our weakest moments it is OK to question God. Questioning God shows faith. You have to believe in someone to ask questions. But even when Jesus asks the questions, it may not be time to here an answer. But God is listening.

Jesus showed humility to the Lord as He asks the question.  He called God “Father”- a title of respect. Even in our toughest moments we will need to respect the sovereignty of our Lord. We seek wisdom and consul from God- not our own solution.  We must respect God’s way, which is always the right way. It is not time dependent. God’s vision is perfect- he sees all possibilities and picks the correct one. Do we have the patience, humility and obdeience to wait and listen to that choice?

Sorry I complained about my toe Jesus.

Sorry I complained about my toe Jesus.

Even though Jesus may not understand why God “abandoned” him he doesn’t lose faith.  God is there even when we can’t see him.  Jesus remains obedient and faithful to God.  I have read about Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane (after the Last Supper) many times. God doesn’t answer when Jesus asks if he has to bear the cup of sin. It took me many times reading the story to zero in on a single verse in Luke 22:43, “And there appeared to him an angel from heaven, strengthening him.” God never answers but the angel is proof he was there.  Jesus still continued to pray to God in the garden. Will we do the same?

As Jesus asked on the cross the answers were there. God was there. Jesus felt abandoned at that moment. God was there. In our worse moments God is there. If we keep our faith in those times things will always work out- in God’s time. Oh, and the picture that was difficult to look at was Christ on the cross, not my toe.

God Bless,

Mark

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Love the Jesus Way- Faith, Hope, and Love

November 16, 2012 at 10:42 pm (Spirituality)
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And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:13

“And now these three remain….” The word remain seems small compared to faith, hope and love. But the importance of love hope and faith is their ability to remain.

Faith. Grinding it out. Now. For the next year, day, hour, minute, or second. We break time down to whatever we can endure. Faith has a lot to do with a consistency in handlingevery day. God loves us enough to hold our hand through the toughest moments. Will we hold His hand back?

His life had been filled with challenges. Born deaf, mentally retarded, and autistic he struggled with things most families never worry about. He was his mother’s world. His dad tried to help him grow, providing him opportunities and refusing to set limits for his son. Everyday presented new challenges. The young boy faced them all, supported by his family.

Hope. We dream and wish for a brighter future. Our faith gets us through the tough times. Hope propels us to the future. Better times in our temporal home on earth. Hope for a permanent home with God. Our faith tells us it is there. Hope makes it something we can touch, if only with our minds.

His parents hoped for a world without all the challenges. But struggles remained. Then one morning before his 13th birthday he died. His mother found him that dark morning. His dad tried to revive him to no avail. He hadn’t been ill. No warning, no explanation. Hope was difficult before, now it was completely gone.

Love. Why love? Faith and hope seem irreplaceable. But without love what do we have to be faithful to? Why bother to hope? Love is the bond that glues us together. With loved ones. With strangers. Most importantly, with God. It is the heart and soul of faith and hope. Love is indeed the most important of the three.

The boy’s name is Michael. He is my son. Michael would have been a grown up now if he had lived.  What about his hope? Going from wanting Michael to have a more normal live to having him gone. It shook my faith and hope. How could God have this as his master plan? How were we supposed to pick up and go on?

When we leave this world we leave many things behind. Maybe we left behind a home that was paid for with a car in the garage. The car will rust in a junkyard. The house will eventually be leveled, waiting for a new structure to replace it. There is only one thing that can transcend. Love is our legacy. It is something we can take with us and leave behind for others. It is something God promises and delivers on. It is what our eternal life with the Lord is all about.

REMEMBERING MICHAEL. More than seven years have passed. Those tough times have become distant memories. I can now replace those images with fond memories. I remember Michael catching a fish, then pretending to eat it while it was still on the line. I remember Michael’s persistence in visiting his friend 4 miles away. After failed attempts to sneak out walking, then riding a bike, Michael had a new plan. I found it out when I saw this crop of hair sticking up over the wheel of the car. And I remember him laughing as I opened the door. I remember Michael’s sister Mikayla forcing him to play with her- usually dolls or tea parties. Michael would sit there for hours making her happy. I can remember the boy who loved to cuddle with only one person, his Mom. He actually fell to sleep in her arms the night he died…

Faith to go on when times are tough. Hope for the future. And love to bring it all together.

Lord I thank you for your love for us. I thank you for the sacrifice of your son. I know how it feels to lose your child. I can’t imagine voluntarily making that choice. I pled for faith in anything to ease the pain. Lord you got me through those days. I hoped for healing. My wounds are healed. The scars that remain are a part of me that I embrace. And my memories are full of a love that sustains me until I see Michael again.

God Bless,

Mark

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Renting A Home

September 6, 2012 at 6:26 pm (Spirituality)
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I’m sitting on my front porch writing. There is a glass of frigid ice tea at my side. Taylor Swift is softly playing in the background (Yes I like country music- no wise cracks please!). And of course a gentle breeze is cooling me on this balmy day. There is a Chipotle and the Akron Library about 800 feet away. What else could I need?

It is a far cry from where I lived four years ago. Back then I could crack my window and entertain myself by watching drug deals across the street. It was quiet from about 6am till 10am. After that chaos reigned until the wee hours of the morning. Peter’s wouldn’t have even heard the rooster crow over the noise.

Some thoughts come to mind as I reflect.

     “Yet the news about Him spread all the more, so that crowds of people came to hear Him and to be healed of their sicknesses, but Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.” Luke 5:15-16. Even Jesus needed a quiet place to meditate and pray. The first time I noticed the importance of this was in jail. 6-8 hours a day by yourself certainly clears your head and gives your time to organize your thoughts and prayers. This quietness gives a sense of peace and closeness to God. As I eventually left for home, the noises inside and outside my head (yes I still hear voices) intensified.

My house

My solution for this was to pray really early. The problem I was still so sleepy I wouldn’t make it through the prayers without snoozing! That will make God shake His head. I moved on eventually to noise reduction headphones at the library. But drowning out the background noise with music still is not complete silence and peace.

Why mention all of this. As I sit on a quiet porch I feel connected like I haven’t been in four years. Is there a place like that you can go? You may find the effect amazing. I certainly have.

     The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied. Proverbs 13:4 I do have a smile on my face as I am writing. For me to be moving to this house is beyond my dreams. But how do we get God’s grace? It is not earned, that’s why it is called grace. But, God does expect us to do our part for things to happen. A friend of mine recently got a job after looking for 8 months. There were things that she could have taken along the way. She had the patience not to take them. At the same time she did the work of getting the right job. She went on 50+ interviews, sent hundreds of resumes, and ate plenty of chicken lunches networking at meetings. Her patience paid off. She just got a job doing exactly what she wanted to do.

Looking for a house to rent in my neighborhood is hard to do. In my neighborhood, Highland Square, houses rent within days. They are never advertised. The owners just throw a sign up and they rent that quickly. I had the opportunity to rent a beautiful house in an area that I did not really want to live in. My heart told me no. Even though I could have move into a larger apartment in my complex I kept looking. Different opportunities presented themselves as promising then disappeared over a four month search. One day before I would have had to re-sign the lease on my apartment a for rent sign on a house went up. I called the owner (who actually got back to me- unusual in my search) and he agreed to rent to me the same day. Other things also fell into place as well to make this happen. God’s grace, absolutely. But without a lot of elbow grease that grace is lost.

     And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.Romans 8:27   It may seem silly in context of one’s living quarters, but God thinks bigger and better than we do. I think it is important not to settle and limit our dreams and future. What to get a promotion at work? God may want you to run the company. Want your kid to go to college. God wants them to go to Harvard.

This helps me be patient and wait. In my situation it comes into play with being single. I have been single for 4+ years now. I often think God doesn’t heat me on the issue of a mate. But maybe God just has someone beyond my thoughts waiting for me in the future. Maybe not. But with patience and perseverance we can get to God’s big plan. In God’s time.

God Bless,

Mark

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Joining the Army

July 2, 2012 at 6:15 pm (Spirituality)
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I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Matthew 28:20

We had an interesting sermon at church Saturday night. It was about being a part of God’s army. Curtiss Mentor gave the message and his final thought was simple yet thought provoking. The army we are to join is Christ’s. Yet Christ has already fought the battle- and won!

Curt’s message has me thinking. Why is it so hard to join an army that has victory guaranteed?

Moses raised his staff, but God parted the sea.

We tend to forget the battles God fought for us. As Moses led the masses to the Promised Land they complained. They complained about hunger. God provided manna. They complained about manna. God provided quail. They were thirsty. God provided water from a rock. During all this complaining, there is no mention of gratitude for God wiping out the Egyptians in the Red sea. When it was finally time to claim their new home, Moses was told by all but two of the scouts that the enemy was too big to fight. They, and we, have selective memory loss. Remember the Red Sea? God not only fought the battle achieved victory without any help from the Jews. At our jail Bible study often the question is asked “How many of us should already be dead?” Almost every hand in the room goes up, including all of us leading the Bible study. What battles has God fought for you? How easily and quickly do we forget God’s grace?  

We have free will. The choice to join God’s army is voluntary. Voluntary armies are inherently smaller. We have to choose a live style that is submissive and requires obedience if we are to be part of an army. Many of us don’t like to be told what to do. We don’t like to follow orders.

Sometimes wisdom from God can even be in a lego…will we listen?

Doesn’t God know what’s best for us? God does, but we often let our pride get in the way of listening to His plans. To listen to God means admitting our poor choices. When David committed adultery with Bathsheba, his pride and arrogance led to him compounding his errors by killing Uriah. Only then did he listen to Nathan the prophet’s message from God.  And we do make some poor choices… well I at least make plenty of them. We are all David’s. Too bad we don’t listen to God before we make decisions.

Matthew 20:16 says “So the last will be first, and the first will be last.” I hate to be last. But god says to be part of his army is to put everyone and everything first. It means you wash the feet of your disciples. It means that you let the lady (with the full cart and the 27 screaming kids) behind you in the grocery line go first. Serving God is visiting that relative or friend in the nursing home- even as they begin to dwindle and forget your name. It means your money needs to go to God first.  It means your time goes to God. It means you live the life of a joyous servant for God. A life where you love others as much as yourself. And we need to do this 24/7. No jumping to the head of God’s line when it convenient or we are hurting. Do we have the heart for that?

The uniform God provides for His army.

God’s army does have some differences from other armies. The commitment to God’s army is a life time commitment. There is no re-enlistment every three or four years. It is a sacred covenant for all eternity. God’s promise to us is greater than anything we can conceive of giving Him. We live in a society where this kind of relationship has become rare. Today couples shack up instead of getting married. When people do get married divorce is rampant. Everything is disposable. Not so with God. It makes signing the contract with God scary to most. But as my friend Clarence told me it’s like “jumping in” to a cool lake on a hot summer day. We should never want to get out.

Today the recruiting office is open. You will enter God’s army as a private. You’re final rank is to be determined by God- your first and only commanding officer. If you have already joined, what would your Commander and Chief say about your service? If you haven’t joined yet, why? You can ask God at any time- his line is always open.

God Bless,

Mark

 

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Jesus Speaks

May 1, 2012 at 6:28 pm (Spirituality)
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 For the one whom God has sent speaks the words of God, for God gives the Spirit without limit.  John 3:24

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 He was with God in the beginning. John 1:1-2

“Then Jesus said, ‘Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do… ”(Luke 23:34).  They were Jesus’ first words on the cross.  What do we do?  Lie, worship false idols (how important is money to you), steal, lust, cheat, use the Lord’s name in vain.  Tell me you are innocent of any of the sins on that list.  I can check off the whole list.

We start at birth as an empty vessel.  The Lord shines His light after 9 months of seclusion in the dark.  Our response, we wail at the world and the light.  We need direction from the beginning.  Christ asks for us to be forgiven because that vessel always contains harsh worldly things.  Christ spent His ministry on earth trying to show us different ways to be filled.  But we failed him.

2000 years later we haven’t changed.  Christ’s lessons haven’t changed either.  I think many of us want our vessel filled with Christ’s words.  His first contact with us was a lesson in teaching.  Jesus first teaching words, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near.” Jesus’ first audience?  Fishermen who became his disciples.  Shortly after that Jesus preached the Sermon on the Mount.  At the Sermon on the Mount there were no miracles, no healing, not even a lot of prophecy.  Just “words”.  Jesus’ words.

Those words deserve repeating.  Phrases we all know like “turn the other cheek”, “everyday has trouble of its own” and “ask and you shall receive” all come from the Sermon on the Mount.  Words that Jesus wants us to know: faith, love, meekness, purity of heart, righteousness, prayer, fasting, peace, poverty and brotherhood.   These ideas and words are all expounded upon in the same Sermon.

Christ takes it further.  Not only did he give the words, then he lived them.  After the Sermon on the Mount Jesus journeyed for three years, serving mankind.  Christ had the tool of words, deeds, miracles and healing to use.  And Christ used them all.

Over the next few months I would like to explore some of these words- and the stories of Jesus that illustrate them.  If Jesus is new or unfamiliar to you, maybe His words will provide a spark.  If you are out of sync, like I am right now, I hope they get you back to where you want to be.  And if you are on God’s narrow path, let these words be the sign posts that keep you from getting lost.

God Bless,

Mark

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Why God?

April 24, 2012 at 3:40 pm (Spirituality)
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Today I’m writing about myself.  That is nothing new.  But today is different.  Sometimes I write to work things out in my head.  I try to never ask questions that I don’t have an answer for (right or wrong).  I have been working on a single question for months without a solution.  I am not really expecting to find one in this Blog.    My question: WHY GOD?

I have made awful choices and been way off track in my life.  The last four years have been different.  I have dedicated myself to be God’s servant.  I am at least trying.  God has provided me abundant grace.  I have a place to live, plenty to eat, clothes to wear, and really don’t lack for anything.  I even am even blessed to have a job that I really like it as well.  I have good friends- make that great friends.  I have parents and brothers and kids that loves me. God has been good to me.  But I still ask, “Why God?”

Why God?  Every week in jail I talk about your grace.  The special grace in providing us kids.  Why do you take them away Lord?  I miss Michael as much as I did when he died seven years ago.  I find it hard to believe that any child needs to die.  I saw a commercial for Akron Children’s Hospital- they are currently treating over 200 kids with cancer.  Summit County (Akron, Ohio) averages over one child homicide a month.  If you are teaching us can’t you do it without the little ones suffering?

Why God?  There are areas where you seem to ignore me God?  You slowed my head mentally five years ago as diabetes and adrenal insufficiency slowed my body.  You ask me to do your work every day.  I do as a grateful humble servant.  But can’t you let me talk to the kids without worrying if my brain can even find the words I need.  I keep writing these Blogs to spread your word.  Why do they need to take twice as long as a year ago to write?

Why God?  I know you have my back.  I know you love me.  But every night I go to bed alone.  I have prayed for a mate for a long time.  Lord you know I pray for almost nothing for myself.  Ok, I do ask for wisdom quite often (something that doesn’t come naturally to me).  In 1 Corinthians 7:8 Paul says “Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do.   But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”  God all I can say is I’m burning with passion- not in the conjugal sense.  But I am burning to come home and have a conversation with someone other than my dog.  I’d also like to wake up without my partner licking my face (Yes once again I’m talking about you Ryelee the Wonderdog!)  What else do I need to do?

Now before I get emails (no one ever post comments when they are trying to help me), here me out.  Yes I have read the end of Job…we aren’t supposed to get everything.  And God doesn’t owe telling us everything.  Yes I know God does things in His time (Psalm 31:14-15.)  And trust me, I’d win a lot of contests which involve patience.  And yes I know trials make us stronger… look at Joseph (Jacobs son).  Personally Lord, between my screw ups and your trials I feel like I’ve had enough of those kinds of lessons.

There is currently a disconnect between what I know to be true and what I feel.  And yes, I know to pray for help with that.  What I do know is God only speaks the truth.  So with pain I will follow.  I will trust- that is faith.  And I will keep doing God’s work- that is the definition of obedience.  And while I find God’s love (which never went anywhere), I’ll stay close to those loving God.  They hold the end of the rainbow that I’ll find again.

God Bless,

Mark

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Broken Glass

January 24, 2012 at 8:16 pm (Spirituality)
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“For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad.”

2 Corinthians 5:10

 

Choices- We all make them from the second we rise to the time we go to sleep.  Some don’t seem all that important, while other decisions take every bit of wisdom, heart, and soul that we have.  Some choices are so ingrained they are automatic (Stopping at a red light).  Some are so difficult they cause procrastination and paralysis.  All of our choices define who we are. 

So who do we want to be?  And how does a simple act define that.  Max Lucado talked about how he filled a jar with a thousand marble.  Let each marble represent a Sunday.  That’s 20 years’ worth of Sundays. Each Sunday he takes a marble out.  He then asks himself what did I do on this Sunday?  Did I honor God?  Did I observe the Sabbath?  Did I spend time with my kids and wife?  Only one marble of the thousand comes out a week, but the jar slowly empties.  As it does the significance of each marble is felt.  We are the sum of our individual choices.  Our family sees that.  Our friends see that.  And most importantly God sees that.

Sounds good, doesn’t it? But is it really that simple?   What happens if the jar of marbles get crushed by a hammer in a split second.  Does that split second decision count more than the marbles you may have pulled out for years?  As the marbles sit strewn around the room among shards of glass nothing will ever be the same, or is it.  We can be branded by a single poor choice.  Is that OK?  What does God think about those moments.

Where did all my marbles go?

From the point of view of our fellow man we are certainly judged.  It has now been four years since I ran a car into a building.  There were about ten people in that building.  I run into people frequently who don’t know any of the folks who were in that building.  They have called me a drug addict, told me I should have died, and others just look away as I walk by.  I am also blessed that others judge me on the “marbles I took out of the jar” before that day.  I still have people tell me I save their lives, how they wish I still practiced medicine, and some nice folks who are just happy to see I’m doing OK.

So where is the truth?  I am neither the saint nor villain I’m made out to be.  I have fallen down in life, but I have also gotten up.  But we tend to judge others by the high and low points of the decisions in our lives.  But reality is we are somewhere in between.  When you’ve made a impactful bad decision in your life you are acutely aware of this point.  I know I can’t change how others think, but I can work on myself.  I have decided that I would rather judge people on the merits of where they are going, not where they have been.  When I do jail ministry that is easy for me- I just never ask anyone what they have done.  I just give the men credit for showing up to Bible study.  Note I did not say I wanted to hang out with all my jail brothers when they get out.  We can still show the respect and love God wants us to have for others without a close relationship with them.  Talk to a drug dealer about God and tell him Jesus and I love him- absolutely.  That doesn’t mean I need to take him home as a best friend.

There is one question I do want answered.  How is God judging me?  Does he look at the bad choices we make and decide you’re going to hell?  I do imagine God in Heaven thinking, “Seriously Mark, did you have to crash into the building TWICE?”  There are some hints that it’s not that way.  When Jesus is hanging on the cross the thief next to Him asks for forgiveness.  There is no evidence that the thief ever did anything good to0 that point in his life.  But Christ’s answer is clear, “Today you will be with me in paradise” (Luke 23:43).  Jeremiah 17:10 says, “I, the LORD, search the heart, I test the mind, even to give to each man according to his ways, according to the results of his deeds”.   So perhaps there is hope.  If God is able to take into account all of our deeds and judge us individually then then there is hope.  Clearly we need to remember is that the standard changes as we become closer to Christ.  As I learn more about God he expects more out of me.  He expects me to evangelize, teach, and love Him.  He holds all of my decisions to a higher standard.

Back to pulling marbles out of the jar. Why bother? Because that is today’s homework if you will.   Hold on to the marble a while.  Embrace it.  Make it an intentional effort instead of an repetitive action.  This reminds us of why we make the choices we do on a daily basis- FOR GOD.  And perhaps we, or at least I, will be less likely to break the glass jar in the future.

God Bless,

Mark

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